I don’t want to share anymore.
I’ve taken breaks before. I think I’ve been running on fumes for a long time in some ways, sustained by the waters of denial. I started this blog the way I start everything – ignorant and enthusiastic, with ideas and plans bigger than my abilities and resources. I actually like this about myself, it keeps life interesting.
But sometimes my ambitions meet cold, hard, reality and reality wins. The reality of trying to be a high quality sewing blogger was not nearly as fun as being an Ebi-quality sewing blogger. In fact, it was stressful. But I kept on because I thought I might help someone.
Two years ago, I realized my life was unsustainable. I was burnt out; depleted of my abilities, energies, and resources because I constantly gave them away to help others grow strong. I knew I needed to make a really big change. I thought that meant going on a long trip. The universe thought it meant becoming pregnant with my first child.
For the first time in two years, I finally feel myself slowly coming alive. Pregnancy, terrible jobs (yes, including that craft store), packing, moving away from my beloved home, unpacking, baby care, living with parents, isolation, returning to school, global pandemic, protests for racial equality, and election season commercials individually and collectively crushed me.
I earned a perfect GPA for my first semester back at college in ten years, and my sixth attempt at college since graduating high school ten years before that, which earned me a spot in the honors college. I didn’t even tell anyone for a week because I thought it might be a mistake. I cried. I cried because it was the first time in my life I put my considerable efforts toward a goal that had nothing to do with helping or strengthening anybody else. I did not justify my work ethic by promises or actions to save the world. I worked my butt off so I can one day secure my own very large bag. I worked hard for selfish reasons. And I was rewarded. It felt good.
I want to keep being selfish. Stressing out over blog posts and social media tags is not selfish. It is generous. It is extra, something I might do when I’ve filled up my cup. But my little one-semester GPA is merely a drop in my cup. I am in semester #2, working HARD for another perfect GPA, and then I still have seven more semesters, including another summer. I also have a toddler to raise, filial obligations to navigate, social connections to plant, money to make, and unlimited episodes of How It’s Made to be equally bored and enthralled by.
Many thanks to everyone who took time out of their life to read a Making the Flame post, and/or comment, and/or subscribe by email. I was honored and excited by your company. :) Keep sewing if it suits you.
♥ Ebi
40 Comments
Hello Ebi,
This is my first time checking out your blog. You know there’s a season for everything thing and nothing just happens. This is just a new season in your life. I hope you do well and stay strong. Maybe you can just keep this blog and check in every now and then because whenever we do what is right for us…we do make flames. Take care.
Hello Linda, and thank you for sharing your kind thoughts! While I have missed blogging and have occasionally had an itch to write a post, not having to take pictures or come up with snappy captions for IG has been freeing. And this semester whooped my butt even without the extra work of blogging, whew. But I am thinking of resuming blogging in 2021 – probably not sewing blogging, though, or anything else that requires me to pose for photos. :) Have a happy holiday season!
Thank you for sharing your time and talent here on IG. Change is good. Life is short. I applaud you for making the choice to set new goals and make a better life for you and your child. I will miss you and your sewing tips. You are the first person I know of that named their sewing machines. God bless you and keep you.
Thank you for the kind words, Cheetah! Apologies for the delayed response, I haven’t logged in here since July, apparently. I hope you are well and enjoying the holiday season. Also, I had a good laugh at your comment about naming my machines :) I feel special that I’m one of the few people you’ve come across to do that.
Congratulations for doing you and on your successes so far!
I got my bachelor’s degree, graduating with Honors, in my early 40’s. I decided to switch things up and went back for my nursing degree, graduating at 52 with my RN (no Honors with that one!). Best decision of my life.
May the road you’re on continue to bring you surprises and much happiness and fulfillment!!
My inspiration! Thank you for sharing! It is different, but so self-actualizing to get your degree (or more degrees) as an adult, when the education narrative focuses on the 18-22 crowd. Thanks for the kind words. :)
Ebi, I’m so happy for you and your little one! Congrats on the perfect score and thank you for always sharing. I’m so happy that you were a part of my sewing life and I look forward to you sharing anything at anytime. Keep pressing forward!
Thank you so much for the kind words, Brenda :)
Goodbye! Good luck. I enjoyed reading your blog, and I am excited for your new educational adventure. Stay strong!
Thanks very much, Suzanne!
Hi Ebi, I am sad to see you go but understand the reasons for it. I look forward to catching up on Instagram. Keep putting yourself first! x
Thank you, Siobhan! This will free up time for me to lurk a little more actively. :) You have lots on Instagram that I’ve been meaning to read and check out.
Congratulations on your perfect score! I hope we get to hear from you again, but only if it’s good for YOU. Take care {{HUGS}}
Thank you so much, Laurinda!
I thank you for your time and the positive influence you have had on my life. You must do what is right for you and I hope you fulfil your dreams and aspirations. I hope you continue to enjoy your sewing and wish you and your little one lots of happiness in life.
Hi Angela, thank you so much for the kind words! I am so glad to have been a positive influence for you, it such an honor. ♥
AWE…Ebi I have enjoyed your blog for many years. You will be missed. Thanks for being a sewing encourager? My you have much success in your new doors ? of opportunities?
Thank you so much, Monica! And thanks for all your support. Fiesta :)
Thank you for everything you’ve shared. Wishing you happiness and continued success! ?
Thanks, Leslie!!!! ♥
Ebi, thanks for all the writing and sharing that you’ve done over the years. I wish you strength and resilience for your future <3
Thank you so very much!
Ebi. Thank you for your honesty. Congratulations on all you’ve achieved and every blessing to you for the future. Keep focusing on the things that are important to you and not what everyone else thinks. Big hugs and prayers to you and the family.
Thank you very much, Nichole! :)
I wish you all the best! And congratulations to the result of your first semester, you can be (and should be!) really proud of yourself! It’s not selfish to build yourself a fulfilled life, it’s healthy. And I bet you will be a phantastic role model for your little one!
Thanks so much for the kind words, Nadine!
You were one of the first black curvy sewist that I followed. Someone who looked like me in this sewing journey. Sis I will miss you and I’m excited for you in this next chapter in your book. Wishing you the best
Thanks so much, Martha! And I am honored to be in that group for you. I loved seeing your makes and your sewing evolution and overall flair. You inspired me more than you know. :)
Ebi thanks for the goodbye! Success and peace are yours only if you want it. Since you know you do, it will be. Congratulations on your school accomplishments and goals and welcome to the next step. Keep sewing and say hi if you sneak in! ?
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Carol! I may sneak onto Instagram and like some things…quiet like. ;)
Thank you for this final message and for not just disappearing. I feel sad, but I admire you and support you in doing what is right and best for you. You have such a wonderful spirit and have shown yourself to be brave and gutsy, over and over again. The world is lucky to have you–carry on. Congratulations on your very successful semester and I am certain that many more will follow. I will miss your posts, but I will never forget you and your marvelous project of saying that the world should be a different, better place. It should, and it will, and you are already part of making it so.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth!!!! I will take this message to heart and read it on the harder days. And thank you also for reading this blog for so very long! It has meant a lot, and I appreciated you stopping by for every crazy post. ♥
Love you muchly, Ebi. Congratulations on the perfect GPA. You did that! Fill your cup!
Thanks, Maritza :D
Thanks Ebi, I enjoyed your musings. Best of luck to you and yours. Try to relax and have some good fun with your baby and family. I know how smart you are, don’t let that perfectionism rule the balance in your life. Sending sweet loving thoughts your way.
Thanks so much, Laura! I am indeed a perfectionist :p but trying to not let it run me into the ground.
Thank you for blogging as long as you did. It sounds like you have a very full life to live. Xxoo Shauna
Thank you, Shauna!
Good luck with your future endeavors. I totally get it. I blogged for a long time, but even though I still have a blog, I never post on it. I think insta and Facebook have replaced blogs anyway. Hope to still see you post once in awhile on those plateforms. Stay safe!
Thank you so much, Barbara! Blogging definitely has a different place in the online sewing community now than it did before.