It doesn’t feel any better being on the other side of that statement.
Some months ago, I had to make the decision to fire a new hire who’d only been with my company for one week, and the first line of her email reply was ‘Well, that was fast.’ And it was–but I felt that I’d trained her well and practically begged her to tell me whether she felt comfortable in the role yet. But she didn’t. Presented with poor performance and an unwillingness to open up about it, I was forced to take a hard stance.
Today, unfortunately, I’m on the other side — two weeks after starting a new job, I’ve been canned. It feels terrible, not the least because of how rarely I’ve ever been fired (this is my second time since starting to work at the age of fifteen). But this one has a special sting, as it was a real job; not a minimum wage, barely above the table gig like the other time. I admit I feel really frustrated and defeated this time around. I feel like I’ve been trying to do the ‘right’ (read: conventional) thing since quitting school fourteen years ago, to make up for dropping out halfway through college. But I feel no further along the straight and narrow now than I was then, and now I’m also tired.
I don’t know what is in store for me. I am grateful and lucky to have a solid roof over my head and my final/only paycheck in my pocket, but I’ve spent more weeks not working than working so far this year and I don’t like it. I don’t know what this means for my sewing; obviously, I’m going to keep sewing and blogging, but I don’t know if it will be less or more. Pretty much I’m writing this because I said I’d be more open about my personal life, and if I’m paying for hosting you can bet your bippy I’m going to take liberties with what I write. *smile*
Cross your fingers for me…